I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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