I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
