Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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