So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
