When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
