if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
