your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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