He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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