Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
