hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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