I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize