sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
