I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My balls are so social today.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The adults are the big ones right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
