Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
