If that was your dad, he is hot
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
