yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize