I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
