I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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