bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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