the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
