I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
