I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just pynch a tree in the face
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
