too bad you live with your parents still
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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