I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
