im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
