She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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