hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
