It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize