yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
