Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
