Sry I called you an 8
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
