someone owes me an orgasm
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she told me i tasted like america
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
