I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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