Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
