note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
