You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
