It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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