I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
