I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
