Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize