Princesses don't give blow jobs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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