So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
