At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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