i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
