you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
