9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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