I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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