I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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