i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
