you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
