we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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