I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
