she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
