Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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