I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
