Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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