Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
