I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
