if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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