I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
