someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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