Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont even know how to be here
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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