I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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