dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
