do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize